one word: firstdatebathroomanal
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You should frame my arrest warrant.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
