If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So. Much. Porn.
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