i just wanna soil my oats bro
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
40s are totally the cure
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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