Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
