'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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