but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
