Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
