i just wanna soil my oats bro
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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