You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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