Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
