She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
