i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
