I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
