She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
