You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
