you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
