I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
