It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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