Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
