mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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