Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
her vagine was all disorganized.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
