dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
