DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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