She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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