just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I love you. Go after that dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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