What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
