i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
