No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
