Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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