none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
