I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
