i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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