i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
