Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
