OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
