Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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