I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
