I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
