dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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