Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
