At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I haven't been this sober since birth.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
