I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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