so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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