If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
