It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
