please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Vodka?
Forever.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
