I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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