The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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