Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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