five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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