you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
