you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
